My inner Demon
by raelle23
Summary: Naruto, left damaged after the death of his brother finds himself lost in unbearable guilt, pushing everyone away including his former best friend, turned rival Sasuke. With no hope for redemption, how will Naruto survive and will there be anyone there to put him back together when he finally falls apart?


_He touched me in places I couldn't bear_

 _Told me it was the only way he could love me_

 _I never really liked it, but I could never really say no_

 _To someone so damaged_

 _Sobbing into me while begging me to let him_

 _How could I deny_

 _He needed me in a way no brother should need another_

 _But it was the only way_

 _He was a monster_

 _He told me so_

 _A demon coming to possess a boy like me_

 _He felt no regret for the actions_

 _Only I did_

 _Not in the way one might think though_

 _I don't regret letting him touch me in those unbearable ways_

 _I regret the look in his eyes telling me that it wasn't enough_

 _He needed more of me that I couldn't give_

' _Not yet old enough' he told me_

' _Couldn't bear to hurt you like that' he said_

 _That's when I begged_

 _I wanted him to_

 _Maybe it would take the pain from his eyes_

 _I was willing_

 _That's when he did it_

 _It ripped me from the inside_

 _But I let him continue_

 _It was the only way he could love me_

 _And it showed in his eyes how grateful he was_

 _Afterwards he took care to make me better_

 _He help me in his arms in a soothing way he never has before_

 _Thanked me with so much joy I had no choice but to smile back_

 _He told me that he would always be a part of me now_

 _He told me that he was my demon resting deep inside of me and that he would always be there even if he wasn't_

 _I didn't understand at then but I do now_

 _When I found him in the morning laying in his bed_

 _So peaceful laying there_

 _In a pool of his own blood…._

 _I thought that he was happy_

 _He loved me like he was happy_

 _But I guess I wasn't enough_

 _I can still feel him though_

 _Deep within me_

 _My brother_

 _My demon_

 _Along with the never ending pain of knowing that I wasn't enough_

 _The guilt I feel knowing that I caused his death_

 _Only if I could have let him love me more_

 _Only if I could have given more than maybe he'd still be here smiling at me_

 _Telling me what a good job I did_

 _But I wasn't enough_

 _I failed him_

 _The only one who truly loved me_

 _Simply because I wasn't enough_

Cold was all he felt when he woke up, cold and numbness. This was the day he had to go back to school. If he didn't he would be sent away for some "special help" as Iruka liked to call it. He wasn't dumb though and he wasn't going to be sent to any hospital. He didn't deserve the help, he would suffer and that's the way it should be. He couldn't have help not after what he's done.

'One step at a time Naruto', he told himself. 'Sit up now. Good. Put one leg over the bed, now the other'. He kept this process up forcing himself to function, to breathe, to act okay. It had been one week, seven days sense the last day of his beautiful existence.

That morning was much like this one a bright sunny day, not a cloud in the sky. He had woken up sore, but hopeful. He couldn't wait to see that happy look in his brother's eyes that he saw a glimpse of the night before. He knew what his did wasn't right, wasn't natural but that was okay. It was okay as long as it brought him happiness, that's all Naruto wanted.

That look wasn't what he found when he opened his brother's door. Far from it. He was met with a sight he'd never forget one he would never let himself forget. His brother was laid flat on his back arms draped gracefully on either side of him. He looked for the first time Naruto could ever remember seeing him, peaceful. His unruly red hair was tossed about in its usual manner, his face free of any sadness Naruto was so accustom to seeing. It was just so peaceful, almost happy, he looked like he was finally set free. Free of that inner demon he talked about so much.

The next thing Naruto noticed was the unimaginable amount of blood. It was unreal that all of that was once in his brother, a part of his brother. It surrounded his body, gently caressing Naruto's only hope, only lifeline. The scene was so unreal, so unbearably untrue Naruto couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. It wasn't real Naruto knew that, that's why when he approached his brother he did what he did every morning. He laid next to him and waited until he woke up.

Naruto didn't know how long he had been there or why there was a persistent knocking at the front door, but he didn't care he had to wait until his brother woke up. His brother had once told him, long ago, that he hated waking up alone, it scared him. Naruto being five at the time had promised that he would wake up early every day to ensure that his brother never had to wake up alone.

The knocking turned to banging and the banging turned to breaking. A rush of people Naruto didn't know came rushing, but none of that fazed him. He didn't move he stayed right there where he was supposed to be next to his brother. 'Forever and always he had sworn', "forever and always", he mumbled when someone tried to convince him to move.

Iruka came barging in moments later, pushing past the police and coming to Naruto's side. Naruto still didn't move, he couldn't it wasn't real. He had to wait until his brother woke up. He promised, and he never went back on his word. When he felt people pulling him, taking him away from his brother. He fought hard, he couldn't leave, he wouldn't leave, they made him leave. He clawed and bit and scratched until he felt the sharp sting of a sedative against his leg. He blurred and passed out.

Voices were what he heard next, Iruka was fighting with another lady. "No, you can't put him away, he isn't a danger to himself. I'll take him to my house, I'll keep an eye on him." The lady was persistent though going on about how he was laying there for at least two days before anyone found him, going on about the dangers of shock and how once it all hit him she didn't know what he would do. The trauma of seeing something like that could scar him for life. Iruka was dead set though and eventually won the argument once he promised that I'd be back in school starting next Monday and seeing a therapist three times a week minimum.

And so that fateful day was today, if Naruto could make it through school and keep up with his therapy visits he'd be free, wouldn't have to worry about being put away. If he couldn't handle it though, he'd be sent off. Naruto wasn't going to leave, the only thing he had left of his brother was the village, the house, and that demon resting deep inside of him. He knew that if they took him away they would find that demon and take it from him too. He would be betraying his brother if he left and that was not something Naruto was willing to do, no he already took too much. He was the reason his brother died. He just wasn't enough and he would live with that guilt forever. He would cling to his demon, to his brother and he would always be there, always.


End file.
